Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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