hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
