You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
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Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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