I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
