Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
