i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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