so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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