On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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