Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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