I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
