Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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