Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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