you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
