i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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