he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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