God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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