she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
