I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
