I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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