i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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