My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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