So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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