I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
