Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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