Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
