May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
