They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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