On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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