you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Your penis caused this!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
