people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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