if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
