So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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