hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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