Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
