no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
