She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
