1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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