THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
