Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
