Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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