i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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