i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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