i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
