maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
