The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
