You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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