I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
