I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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