I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize