When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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