I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he was CRYING into my vagina
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Mom said you looked used
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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