There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
