he wants to bone in the snuggie
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
