shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she peed on how many people?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Found the puke drawer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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