WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
