I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
