How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I see more hoeing in ur future
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