I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
