i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
