Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
