I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
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Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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