remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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