It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
