It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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