Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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