i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
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My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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