he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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