I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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