I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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